Words of encouragement

The Warning Signs

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 — Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

v.15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? (One who does not believe in God, and has not accepted Jesus as Lord of their life.)

While people are dating, the Lord knows your personality and makeup, because He created you.

So, He will send you warning signs that you should consider while dating and during your engagement.

Sometimes we are not aware that it was the Lord. But in hindsight, you realize the Lord had your best interest at heart, and wanted your marriage to last.

Mark 10:2-5 — The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. v.3 And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?”

v.4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”

v.5 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.”

In marriage there should always be a coming together on a solution that both people agree on. If it is always one-sided in every decision, that is the hardness of the heart Jesus is referring to.

The Decision You Make

Isaiah 1:18-20 — Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

v.19 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:

v.20 But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.

If the Lord Himself could humble Himself to reason with us, why are some husbands and wives not humbling themselves to reason with each other?

Why are some fiancés not humbling themselves to reason with each other God's way and pray?

Jesus is the perfect example of reasoning with us as His sons and daughters.

The Lord is plainly saying, obedience results in you eating the good of the land. Disobedience results in you being devoured with the sword.

Praying together and individually should enable you to come up with God's will in every situation.

Luke 18:1 — Then He spoke a parable to them, that men (meaning men and women) always ought to pray and not lose heart.

Right Decision Pleases God

It is of utmost importance to start out in a healthy marriage.

Husband and wife need to love each other the way they want to be loved. (Love our neighbor as ourselves.) (Love our spouse as we love ourselves.) They should always pray for each other, and be honest with each other.

Honesty is not only when we pray to God, but in all relationships.

Psalm 51:6 — Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

The Lord desires us to be truthful to Him in prayer concerning a spouse not behaving right in the marriage, and He will give you His wisdom in that situation.

Marriage was sanctioned by God in Genesis, so that is why it pleases God when we involve prayer, love, humility, patience, kindness, and honesty concerning our spouse.

We also need to be walking in the Spirit, instead of walking in the flesh.

We need to always be walking in the unconditional love of God.

God's love toward us as human beings is a perfect example of how our relationships should be with each other.

Honest Talking Points

Knowing your worth and value as an individual in every aspect of your life is of utmost importance.

Knowing your worth and value as one of God's sons or daughters is of utmost importance.

Look at how the Lord labels us as His sons and daughters in the scripture.

Psalm 139:14 — I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

That includes knowing your worth and value during dating, engagement, marriage, and with your in-laws.

This also involves knowing your worth and value in the workplace, with your own family members, and with your own friends.

When you know your own God-given worth and value, you can speak up for yourself. You can stand up for what is right and speak the truth.

And there will be a time, if you are not valued or respected, but disrespected, abused, lied on, or manipulated, that you can walk away.

Because the Bible says in Romans 12:18, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”

Are you dating or engaged to a man or a Mama's boy?

The Mama's boy relationship will never work.

Building Boundaries

Having boundaries is of utmost importance.

Daily, we are dealing with other human beings that are walking in the flesh.

If they have not crucified their flesh with its lust, they will fulfill the lust of the flesh.

Galatians 5:16 says, “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

In Genesis Chapters 1 and 2, the Lord gave boundaries to everything that He created.

He divided light from darkness. Day from night.

He separated heaven from earth.

Male and female He created with a soul, but animals He did not create with a soul.

He also created Adam and Eve. Male for female. Not male for male, or female for female.

That is a distinctive boundary of God's creation.

We see in Genesis 2:16-17 that the Lord also gave man a commandment.

v.16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

v.17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.”

So the Lord, in doing so from the beginning of time, shows us that boundaries are of utmost importance to our existence.

Is This the Right Person

You have to know that you chose the right person to marry. This is of utmost importance, because marriage is a lifetime commitment sanctioned by God.

This is where unbiased, Godly counsel comes into play, and everything is discussed and talked about.

The Bible talks about being unequally yoked.

2 Corinthians 6:14 — Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

v.15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel (one who does not believe in God, and has not accepted Jesus as Lord of their life)?

Some people who go to church can be unequally yoked. They may go out of habit, and for conscience' sake, and have no relationship with Jesus.

So please do not be deceived by a churchgoer.

Are they born again? Is their light shining at all times for all to see? Are they continuously walking in the Spirit and being transformed?

The Lord said that you will know them by their fruits.

They will possess the fruit of the flesh or the fruit of the Spirit.

Honest Dating Observation

Dating is where you need to see who the real person is, not who he or she presents to you.

Since some people would want to date or get married for the wrong reasons, you have to be able to see who it is that you are talking to, you are smiling at, you are calling, and you are FaceTiming.

Some people are high school sweethearts. Some meet at church, during college, at work, or different places.

For the Bible says, 1 Samuel 16:7 — But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

If you are both born again, the Lord should be #1 in leading and guiding this relationship.

Have you discussed your likes and dislikes?

Ask the Lord to take full control, so whatever you do will be pleasing in His eyes during this dating season.

Don't get caught up with the looks. What is in the heart will come out of their mouth.

Honest Engagement Input

Engagement is where things that matter should be talked about.

Do you know your purpose here on earth? Why did the Lord create you? Are you walking in that purpose?

Do you want to have kids or not?

The current expenses that you both have and how to tackle them.

How and when will the bills be paid?

What area do you want to live or not?

How much money is coming in and how money will be going out?

How will you use that money to take care of your bills?

What church will you both be attending?

When will saving/investing come into the picture?

Ladies, have your parents and family met your fiancé? Were they pleased, happy or not?

Guys, have your parents and family met your fiancée? Were they pleased, happy or not?

It is always a good idea for your family to meet both parties, because they will be able to see things that may be concerning that you do not see. We are dealing with reality here!

Have you both gotten Godly and wise counseling prior to your marriage?

Is there a sickness or disease you should be aware of, or anything else, so there are no surprises?

What you like and dislike

Continued: Honest Engagement Input

Why did you choose each other? Are both people happy in this engagement or not?

Remember if you have worries, concerns or hesitation, there is no rush.

If that person is truly from God and loves you, you can take some time to evaluate your life, and its timing. You can talk to God about it, and take whatever time you need to regroup, or think things over.

During this engagement it is always wise to be honest about your likes and dislikes.

Because whatever you are accepting now from each other and do not like, is what you will be stuck with for life in your marriage if that person does not change.

We cannot change anyone in the dating, engagement, or marriage stage.

That person has to see a need for change, to better themselves, in order for permanent change.

You can take things slower. Real love never has to be in a rush.

How is this Relationship

• Are you both happy to always see and talk to each other?
• Is it a 100/100 relationship or 100/50?
• Are you always free to be who the Lord created you to be?
• Can you always speak the truth and say what is on your heart?
• Or are you always walking like you are on eggshells, and scared of your own shadow?
• Can you both freely talk about what you are passionate about?
• Do you both love your parents and respect them, or is there hatred and disrespect?
• Are you both born again? Did you ask Jesus to come into your heart and forgive you of your sins, and ask Him to help you live for Him each day?
• Do you both pray and read the Word on your own every day? Are your spiritual fruits shining, or is it carnal, walking in the flesh?
• Do you both believe in holding on to your virginity? Or does one of you, and the other doesn't?
• Is either one pressuring the other by saying, “If you love me, you would”?
• Are you walking in the unconditional love of God? Or is it lust?
• Are you afraid that if you spoke the truth, that person would leave you?

Romans 12:1–2 — I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. v.2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

1 Corinthians 6:15–16 — Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. v.16 What? Know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? For two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

Continued: How is this relationship

v.17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

v.18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

v.19 What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

v.20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

What do I do about an unhealthy relationship?

You walk away from an unhealthy relationship, so it does not ruin your life.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 — Abstain from every form of evil. Abstain means avoid, refrain, do not engage, do not get involved.

Make sure you are healed from all traumatic events, and there is no unforgiveness, and ask the Lord to send you the right person that will love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loves their neighbor as themselves. Also pray that the person He will send will be healed from all traumatic life experiences.

Making the right decision

When you are loyal to the Lord and His Word, He will bring the right person to you if you ask Him.

When you make the right decision there is no compromise concerning the Lord and His Word. You are putting His commandments first, because you love Him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. And you want to please Him, and want Him to be pleased with you.

You will always feel peace when you make the right decision. Doing the right thing is showing respect for yourself.

Sometimes making the right decision may hurt, but you know you did what the Lord wanted you to do. There is no guilt or shame in making the right decision.

Your making the right decision will give others the courage to do the same thing. Making the right decision will help you avoid future heartache, regrets, or pain.

Romans 8:28 — And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

So let us always purpose in every situation in life that the decisions we make will always be pleasing to the Word of God.

Building Relationships

Relationships first begin in the mother's womb, between mother and child.

The mother hears her baby's heartbeat through a sonogram and can see her baby. Likewise, the baby hears the mother's heartbeat while in the womb.

The mother feels the baby moving while in the womb. She may rub her belly, sing to the baby, or play music.

Mothers may also eat healthy or go for walks while pregnant. A mother may have different cravings, or not.

Mother will see her belly stretch and grow to accommodate the baby or babies in the womb.

When the baby is born, mother, father, grandparent, or guardian may have to sleep while the baby is sleeping. During early infancy, parents learn to get their sleep and rest while their baby or babies are sleeping.

Mothers and fathers start to learn their baby's sleeping and eating habits. They learn how much food the infant can take during one feeding, and how often they will have to buy Similac or breastfeed their baby.

The mother, father, and baby get acquainted with each other during feeding, bathing, diaper changing, and nurturing.

As the baby starts to crawl, stand, walk, and feed themselves, confidence in being able to do these things alone is of utmost importance. Safety is of utmost importance for the peace of mind of the baby and parents.

During this stage potty training is of utmost importance, to keep the baby or toddler from wetting the bed.

Parents will start to notice if their child is going to be adventurous, reserved, outgoing, or a handful.

Observant in Relationships

As children grow, they form different relationships according to the environment they are in.

They form relationships if they have other siblings. They form relationships in school and daycare. They form relationships if they go to church. If grandparents are around, they will form relationships. If children are in a sport or club, they are forming relationships. If they have neighbors with children their age, they may form relationships.

While children and parents are forming these relationships, observing how things are done or not done comes into play.

Parents are also observing and giving good advice that guides the child to make the right decisions.

Children should be learning about kindness, sharing, respect, self-discipline, self-control, self-motivation, and saying please and thank you.

The children are observing what their parents or caregivers do or do not do. They have their likes and dislikes — what they will accept and what they will not accept, who they want as a friend or not.

Parents should teach their kids about holding on to their virginity, and being able to take care of themselves.

During school age, parents should have been able to give their children good advice that will last them a lifetime.

By the time the child has graduated from high school, they have formed friendships that may or may not last a lifetime.

Moving Forward or Not in Relationships

As children go to college, trade school, into the military, start their own career, or enter the workplace, they should have certain values in place.

During this time these young adults may sit back and observe their peers, and listen to the things they are talking about. In doing so, they will make decisions.

A lot of what these young adults were taught, or were not taught, will influence the decisions they make in life.

If they were brought up in church, taught about the ways of God, or built their own personal relationship with God, that will influence every decision they make. The Bible teaches us that God is the creator of all things. When they go to some colleges they may be taught about evolution, which is the opposite of what they were taught. Having that strong foundation helps them hold on to their belief in God.

Some young adults may start dating. Some may know what their purpose is in life, and others may not. So it is of utmost importance that these young adults know why they were created, and walk in that purpose.

Young adults should never be in a rush to get married. They need to know if the person they are dating has had traumatic events in their life that they need to be healed from, which could affect the relationship in a negative way if they marry. Do they have a relationship with God?

Understanding what traumatic events someone has gone through, and where they are in being made whole, is of utmost importance. This is most often never talked about, and it should be discussed, prayed about, and counseled about before any lifetime relationship such as marriage.

In the beginning

Genesis 1–2 — In the beginning the world was void and without form. That means the world did not exist; there was no life on earth, nothing existed.

v.3 Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. v.5 God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night.

v.6 Then God said, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.” v.8 And God called the firmament Heaven.

v.9 Then God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so. v.10 And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

v.11 Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so. And God saw that it was good.

v.14 Then God said, “Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years; v.15 and let them be for lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth,” and it was so. v.16 Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also. And God saw that it was good.

v.20 Then God said, “Let the waters abound with an abundance of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the face of the firmament of the heavens.”

v.21 So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

v.22 And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.”

v.24 Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth the living creature according to its kind: cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth, each according to its kind”; and it was so.

v.25 And God made the beast of the earth according to its kind, cattle according to its kind, and everything that creeps on the earth according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

v.26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” v.27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

v.28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

v.31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Genesis 2:2–3 — And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.

The sacrifice of His only Son

John 3:16 — For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

God gave His only Son for the sins of all mankind. His Son, who knew no sin and was not born through sinful nature, was given as a sacrifice for every one of us.

God gave His only Son knowing that His Son's blood was the only thing that could pay the price for our sinful nature.

How awesome is that! God's Son was the only sacrifice for the sins of the entire world. We have a lot to be happy and thankful about.

So we are born again when we humble ourselves and accept His Son Jesus into our heart, and accept His forgiveness of our sins by asking Him to come into our heart and take full control.

God humbled Himself to consider us, made out of the dust of the earth, from different earth tones. After Eve and Adam sinned, He still wanted to have a relationship with us. How amazing!

Love God, and love our neighbor

The eternal commandment to us as God's sons and daughters is to love Him, and love our neighbor as ourselves.

Mark 12:28–31 — And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

The Lord commands us to love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

Just two commandments! How awesome!

That means we can put all of our faith and trust in God, because He is honest and never lies. He never gossips about you, and He is dependable, trustworthy, faithful, and His love is clean and pure!

How we started learning

• Everything first started at home
• By listening to our mother's heartbeat in the womb
• By listening to voices while in the womb
• By looking, seeing, and observing
• By hearing words, and saying them
• By repetitive action of learned behaviors
• Like feeding ourselves; learning to walk by ourselves; learning to dress ourselves
• Repeating words that led to talking and forming sentences.
• Toddlers have not been to school but they know how to say complete sentences; using subject; verb; adjectives, and sometimes adverbs.

Who we learn from

• Mothers, Fathers, Siblings, Grandparents, Church, Stepparents, Foster Parents, Babysitters, Caregivers, Other Family Members, Friends, Television, and Social Media
• Daycares, Public, Private and Online Schools
• Television, Social Media, Radio
• The Bible

Who or what we spend the most time reading, listening, looking or talking to influences our life for the better or the worst.

So we as individuals need to make sure that the one that leads and guides our steps is God.

Why? Because He created you, loves you, and knows what is best for every one of us. He is honest, and never lies. His love is clean and pure and always reliable. There is nothing like it!

What we should be taught

• Respect of Parents and Authority
• Self-Respect
• Self-Discipline (No means no and yes means yes) to also do chores, and clean up behind yourself
• Self-Control — control our thoughts, words, and actions.
• Self-Motivation — to be your own cheerleader. To always be the first to encourage yourself.

If we continue to grow in life, males will one day be a husband to a female, and females would one day be a wife to a male.

So if we master life skills of respect, self-discipline, self-control, and self-motivation it would help us be our best self.

The Lord is who helps us and gives us the strength every day to be our very best; even during loss, death, tragedy, grief, pain or disappointment.

Remember Jesus wept when His friend Lazarus died. So, it is okay to cry or weep.